and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand



sometimes at night when i'm all tired and alone
the thoughts that are usually less active in the day takes over
and becomes the dominant thoughts

which are all the things that have been said over and over again
like the past failures
and that if only i had done something then
i wouldn't be here
and i keep thinking how it would have been like
if i didn't screw up every big thing in my life

i know that i always have been giving a black face
but do you even know why?
not that i always know why
but it seems that
i'm dissatisfied with myself
because i'm envious that you can do it better than me
and sometimes you can do it without even putting in effort
things just seem to fall into place for you and on the other hand
i have to keep fighting to stay alive
to stay afloat
to fight for that elusive moment of adrenaline rush
people can just sit around and do nothing and still their metabolism rate beats mine hands down even when i'm working out as my life depended on it
people can just sit around and do nothing and then people will just take turns to fall in love with them while i struggled so hard to have that same status only to have my efforts come to naught
why is it that people feel so excited about every little thing and i just don't feel anything
perhaps just more sadness
have i not done enough?
why is that the things i want so badly are the things that are so distant
like reaching for the stars
like just being a small person in the universe
unable to change anything
taking everything that life throws to me
and everything life doesn't give to me
it dangles on a string
enticing me to get it
it's in front of me but i can't get it
like holding onto air
catching nothing even though it's there


like holding onto air...

the wind blew the days away
im only left with 99 days.
woohoo!

in view of the start of 2 digit countdown
i think i should start to do math and physics again
you know
the rusty brain
but hey
i oiled it sometime last year
so it aint so bad
maybe apply some reducing agent
crap

ippt's coming up and i do hope that i can pass this time
not some stupid 5 seconds failure

help me make better do with my time
im throwing it out the window!
ahhh

and the rain.
pesky rain
but thankfully for the rain
the haze situation isn't so bad

sometimes i wonder
if i'll ever be a bachelor my whole life
the odds seem high
and maybe die a rich old man with the assets left to my bro
how pathetic

but maybe singapore just doesn't offer my cup of tea
i think i'll move to japan or korea
but what the heck
i recently found out that korea has the highest amount of years people spend paying for their houses
and japan...
is strict with immigration
times are tough ain't it?

so much for my 4 seasons and awesome pretty girls... HAHA.
ja!