it's back to the same o same o
seems like every big test in my life
i have to go through twice

perhaps max said it right
there's 2 sides to everyone
one side of me is the competitive side
and the other is the one that's willing to settle for mediocre results
the competitive side often end up making a lot of people unhappy
and mediocre side often end up making me unhappy
it's such an internal struggle
i don't know how to make it right

i just found out i got a rejection
that's one down, two to go
at least i found out before they told me
if not i'd be holding on to a thread of hope
only to have it snap on me when i think that i can make it out

right now i don't even know what i'm feeling
one side of me is so down and out
and the other side says that i should not have a woe is me mentality
i guess it's called frustration

if only improvement is quantifiable
perhaps i wouldn't be kicking myself for not showing any improvement
am i chasing a rainbow
desperately looking for the pot of gold
only to find that it's a circle

i dont know how many times i can tell myself
there's hope
im i wanting it too badly or just not enough?


ja!