screwed.











no more

i think im suffering from atrophy of some kind
i cant type as well as i used to
its just weird
and the typos are significant

anyway
today math was good
i hope
seems pretty easy
but usually
easy things to me are those that i did badly for
difficult things to me are those that i did badly for too
lose-lose situation
great

ah
sweet a levels are just around the corner
and here i am
still gaming
and living life as if a levels were next year

i kinda figured out that
from the point i left poly
or actually secondary school
life was going to be different
very different
in secondary school
you had lots of free time
i wonder where did my time go to
how could people build such strong friendships in secondary school
while i
it's how my youth is wasted (not really though. i still have a year plus being teen)
wasted

i think im kinda slow developer
somehow i observed
my behavioral patterns
fit those in secondary school
so what does that make me
kid?
certainly i would like to be a kid again
shed all those excessive pounds away
get a hot killer bod to die for
force my mum to let me learn piano
and read more books

but the truth is
no one can change their past
some long dead guy said
if you alter the past, the future will disintegrate
anyway

i found out im not the affectionate kind
as much as i want to
im not

im distant from my parents
and socially inept

when was the last time i hugged my parents
at no point in my living memory
perhaps during infancy
but theres infantile amnesia
so i wont recall

my phone remained dead for one week
im better off with a hi card
or perhaps cancel the line
it would save my parents 20 dollars a month

the nights are long
and they get longer

one week of prelims has passed
everything felt ok
except math
its horrible
and paper 2 is on mon
so
counting on it to pull my marks up

went to play lan yesterday
apparently im not cut out to be a gamer
only won like
3 games?
out of 6
doesnt sound so bad
just that it was bad
always one of the bottom ranked

okie
gd luck to me

alright
here the breakdown on things
yesterday was teacher's day celebration
had to wake up early
then go to school for some screwed up party
it was just boooring
even the teacher said so
okie
then we had to go for the teachers' day celebration
i would have been quite numb about it
but
the second performance
she was there
and the day was ruined for me
she didnt do anything
it was just me
evoked lots of memory
and it was after so much work
so long
i thought the dust had settled
from then
think too much again...
its shitty